Years ago, I taught a class at the Unitarian Church that I called “Recovering From Controlling Religions.” It attracted others, like me, who wanted to shake free from the dogma of their youth. We spent a good portion of this six-week class taking a closer look at what we no longer believed to be true. Making this inner shift was both scary and freeing. And we were each left with the question, if you don’t believe that anymore, than what do you believe in now? I felt a bit like I was in a spiritual buffet line, studying teachings from various organized religions, reading books, and talking to others to see what I believed. Fortunately, I had found fellow seekers not only in this church community but in the Chrysalis Group.
A couple of years after this I was at a Chrysalis retreat when I suddenly heard a small quiet voice within me make a suggestion.
You could believe yourself.
It made me realize I had been assuming that I needed to look outside myself to focusing on ideas to see what to believe. But this message was clearly about going within. And I knew at it’s core, the message was to believe my own experiences. Immediately a list of moments in my life showed up. Ones that I had hidden away and kept secret because I couldn’t explain them. They scared me. But once I acknowledged them to myself and shared them with trusted friends, the fear faded and wonder surfaced. As I learned to believe myself, believe my life experiences, my capacity to be open to mystery grew. I felt less of a need to settle on thoughts and beliefs and more of a pull to explore my actual life.
This message to believe myself and my experiences was one of many synchronicities, dream messages, and pieces of intuition that led me into my current work as an energy healer.
Now I’m oftentimes on the other end as people share with me experiences that cannot be explained. They worry that they are crazy. Or their mind has tried endlessly to convince them that they imagined it or that it never happened. The mind wants to dismiss whatever it can’t explain. My work with clients sometimes includes normalizing or naming an experience as a type of intuition, an energetic sensation, a precognitive dream or even acknowledging the awareness of another being that we can feel but not see with our physical eyes. But more often, it is my intention to be present with deep attention and acceptance of their experience. I believe them. And simply through the act of acknowledging their experience and sitting with it in trust and belief, an amazing thing happens. We can sense it’s inherent meaning. It can touch us. We can know about the experience from a felt and often wordless place. We can sit in wonder.
It happened like this once with a client.
“I’m in a cocoon of love. It’s all around me, white and soft. All of me is being loved. I know I am safe.”
“I feel it too,” I say.
“Are you doing that? Who is doing that? Is this my grandmother loving me?”
Her mind wants to know.
“Let’s just be in it.”
Moments pass where we just practice being with it, in wonder. Feeling it and believing its presence in and around the body. What’s it like to be in a cocoon of love? What is it like in the moment to feel so safe? Gratitude arises. Tears flow as the heart is touched.
This kind of experience is mysterious in that it can’t be explained or proved. Yet, my client and I both know something just happened. We feel it. We bask in wonder and mystery. Elizabeth Gilbert might say it best in her new book Big Magic when she says, this leaves me with “a dazzled heart and the sense that I live in a most remarkable world, thick with mysteries.”
So where am I now? What do I believe?
I believe in mystery. My experiences point to it on a daily basis!
“Some things cannot be explained
“I’m deliberately using the word mystery to point to depth, an open future, immense freedom, a kind of beauty and truth that can’t be fully spoken or defined.” Richard Rohr – Daily meditation 8/23/16 Mystery is Endless Knowability
Peggy Siegel, M.S. an intuitive energy healer in private practice, has taught numerous classes on intuition, intention and personal spirituality. She has published three books, the latest which is her spiritual memoir, Teaching Albert Einstein to Fly. Peggy is a past president of Chrysalis.